This has been my first real weekend alone, and I have to say I felt a little lonely. Let me backtrack just a bit. I broke up with my boyfriend (Dan) a few months ago. We dated for 4 1/2 years and lived together for almost 2 of those years. Overall it was a good relationship, but I think we are better off as friends than we are as girlfriend/boyfriend. I do hope that we both end up meeting people who make us extremely happy - and make us want to be better people.
Breaking it off with Dan was a major decision. And, if you know me - you know decisions are not my forte. It's extremely difficult for me to make a simple decision, like what to wear or eat, so... a major decision is really tough.
Dan recently moved out of our apartment, and this is the first time in my life where I will be alone. No parents, no siblings, no roommates - just me. It’s probably going to be a very different and somewhat intimidating experience. To be honest, I am really scared. What if I find out that I really don't like myself! Does that sound silly? Well, it's just a bit of a concern. I'm also afraid that I will be lonely. This is really the first time in my life where I will make my own decisions on a daily basis and not get feedback from anyone else. Hopefully I won’t beat myself up if I make mistakes.
In the past I never really took the time to get to know myself or make my own choices. I always did what was "expected" or what others thought I should do. I think it will be good for me to live alone. I want to take this time to get to know myself a bit better, and I hope it makes me a better person. Maybe I’ll find out that I am a strong, independent woman who is proud of who she is – whoever that may be.
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